“Find your passion,” everyone said. I had no idea how. I tried everything to remember what made me happy. I came up with nothing. Why? I had lost myself in the daily ins-and-outs of living. I had given to everyone else and lost ME.
I had no idea how to unblock my memories of what made me happy. And, oh how I despised the people who said, “Live your passion and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I spent a lot of time and money spinning my wheels trying to make a life that was fulfilling. I couldn't because I was blocked.
But, my choices were clear: stay miserable or get unstuck/unblocked! So, I read, surfed the Internet, cried, slept and wasted money trying to get unstuck. Since, I’m a problem solver, I kept looking for an answer. I tried: self help books, journaling, yoga, Reiki, EFT, jewelry making, dog grooming, vet tech school, make-up school, another masters degree, one on one counseling, gratitude journaling, spiritual counseling, direct sales, health counseling and career counseling.
NOTHING made me happy. Finally, it hit. Something inside said, “Search all you want, but if you are blocked from remembering your joyful childhood moments or from experiencing joy in the present you’re going to stay tired, fat and broke.”
I needed to get away and figure things out. I used my last dollar and took a trip to Puerto Rico. I stood in the warm water, buoyant in the waves and gazed at the majestic horizon. The final façade of inauthenticity fell away and dissolved in the baptizing Caribbean water.“There is so much more!” rang in my head.
That vacation, I sat on the beach, floated in the water, zip lined, ate on the balcony and sat under a waterfall in the rain forest. “Why can’t life be like this?” I wondered. “Because, this is vacation and not real life!” I told myself. I shook my head and refused to accept that life was only meant to be enjoyed on vacation. We have it wrong!
We are not meant to live to work. Our precious time in this realm is finite. Why am I accepting fat, tired and broke? Because I was blocked from remembering what made me happy.
I came back to NY and work wearing the fedora I had purchased in PR, a reminder to not lose what I had figured out, what had been my epiphany. It was a piece of armor against being sucked back into the inauthenticity of 9-5 or for me, 4-4.
I surfed the Internet again and found people who use planners to stay organized. Oh, I used to do that! Then, I found others who decorated their planners. What fun! I started to remember. I sat in the backyard and gazed at nature’s colors. Oh! Those bold colors were beautiful! And, slowly, I remembered little by little what I used to enjoy. My grandfather’s very small art studio! I was always inspired by the space and just as dejected when my art never matched what was in my head.
I looked at school supplies for work and remembered how inspired I was by a blank notebook. And, then how dejected I was when I had no “Othello” to write. Planners, decorating pages, art, bold colors and the blank page. How did any of this fit together? Then I found it---women who took the blank pages of their planners and used bold delicious colors to decorate the pages with art. ART JOURNALING!!!
What have I learned? So many of us are stuck in the day-to-day details of life, job and family. We have forgotten we are creative beings who need to express ourselves. “There’s no time.” “I can’t even draw a stick figure!” “I have 4 kids.” I know. I worked until I collapsed.
But, I believe in you. I believe you deserve to be happy and to do that you need to get back to your authentic creative self. Ten minutes a week. That’s all. We will start with that even if it’s in the car waiting for the kids’soccer practice to end. Give me ten minutes and I will help you art journal your way out of being stuck! You deserve to be happy.
Check out my website for more information: www.lisadianadelaney.com
Thank you Lisa Diana! I loved the post and resonate with it completely. :) I LOVE art journaling!