I don't know where I would be without my trusty girlfriends.... There is always someone to lend an ear to anything that I have to say, or complain about, or praise, or wonder about. However, lately I've heard many of them complain about the men in their lives, and it makes me angry and sad at the same time. We are strong! We are capable and intelligent people. We raise kids and have full time jobs. It's really disturbs me when someone offers a deeper insight into their life, about their relationship with The Man, be it hubby, lover, boyfriend, sometimes brother or dad.
What I hear is, "I would really like to get involved with that man."
"But he's married," I say, or "He's not emotionally available."
"Well, maybe he'll change, and he says he doesn't get along with his wife. He gets jealous when I talk to other men, so he must feel something for me."
"No," I say. "He'll never leave his wife to marry YOU, because you're already willing to give him everything he wants. He does not want to marry you LATER... and jealousy is not love."
Or this one...
"He doesn't have a job; I pay for his stuff, and I give him money, but that's okay because he loves me, or he's so wounded I have to help him get over his past."
"NO," I say... "he's using you! It can't lead anywhere but to heartache. He needs to grow up and heals his own past. It's just a convenient excuse to get sympathy and to free load on you."
Or this one...
"He yells at me, but that's okay. I know he's in a lot of pain. I just let it run off me."
"No, it's not okay!! Yelling is emotional abuse, and if he's in pain, why doesn't he do something about it??"
Or this one...
"My husband wants a divorce but I won't give him one. I'll hold on to what we have created together. It wouldn't be right. And he's never home anyway."
"Maybe he found another woman?" I say.
"No, he would never do that." Doh. Well, what can you say to that?
What is it with women that we allow a man to treat us without respect, and then come up with excuses why he's behaving like a brat? Are we so insecure that we can't stand strong and demand that he acts in a respectful manner? Are we afraid of being alone and willing to accept a relationship that is less than fulfilling just to be with "someone." Are we so insecure that we think he's right and we're wrong?
Please! Stand in your power, accept nothing less than respect and genuine caring, accept yourself completely as you are today, and know that you're worth the very best!! Don't sell yourself short... don't accept the crumbs. It's not love... it's groveling madness! Obsession, addiction, you name it, but it ain't love...
Honoring my girlfriends for their kindness toward me, here's a painting I painted today, Sisterhood 8. The other Sisterhood paintings are available as prints at Imagekind.com. Just search the site for Maria Greene and my paintings will come up.
